How to Attract Your Soulmate: Without Chasing, Settling, or Losing Your Shirtwaist

Want to learn how to attract your soulmate with a feeling of ease in your heart? With a sense of inner knowing, rather than that feeling of urgency? Do thoughts of not finding “the one” keep you more in the realm of loneliness and longing than excited for the day you will share your paths together?

 

Let Love Do the Finding

 

Picture it: you’re racing headlong toward love, waving your emotional résumé in the air, while your self-worth pants breathlessly behind you, trying to keep up.

 

Learning how to attract your soulmate is just as much about knowing you are the one as it is about finding the one. By this I mean, finding that once in a lifetime match is an endeavor best approached with the absence of pursuit.

 

What—the absence of pursuit? Is that just outright crazy? Clearly, locating the one points exactly to pursuit, does it not? No. And here’s why: our focus here is how to attract your soulmate—and the operative word is attract. Attraction has to do with the energetic draw, the process of allowing and the romantic readiness for love, and little to do with chasing a target. It’s about you being unapologetically you.

 

In short, magnetism replaces pursuit.

 

Soulmates aren’t found—they recognize you when you’re settled into your own radiant rhythm, when you are aligned with your truest self. You don’t need to sell or advertise your worth; all you need do is feel it, embrace it. And most certainly, you by no means need to qualify yourself for love.

 

Now, back to longing. If we are to examine the energy of loneliness and longing, as it pertains to the principles in the law of attraction, we automatically recognize that the two are founded in lack. Lack, you say? Why yes, because when you swim in the waters of longing for too long, you set your internal state as the one who lives without love. The one who is keenly aware of being alone.

 

Does this have anything to do with how to attract your soulmate? It has everything to do with it. We do not hunt down soulmates—we draw them to us without effort, without the chase. We receive love, we unfold to love, we don’t achieve it by qualifying who we are.

 

Love is drawn by resonance, not by pleasing, earning, or convincing.

 

The Mirror of Love

Look at love as a mirror. We don’t attract who we want—we attract who we are being. And who we are being is ours to choose.

So, you see, it is about who we are inside. Always. Why would I attract gentlemen who don’t fully see me, while you might attract gentlemen who cheat? You then say, “Men are not to be trusted” and I might say, “Men don’t know how to be present.” But is that true? Yes. And no. It is true in my reality, as it is in yours. At least until we learn to change the inner story.

Until we change who we are being.

 

“The world cannot change until you change your

conception of it. ‘As within, so without.’”

 

—Neville Goddard

The Inner Story

It is the inner story, the inner identification, that reflects the world without—and that most certainly refers to the relationships, the people we draw into our lives.

 

“There is no one to change but self.”

—Neville Goddard

 

Now let’s get back to chasing. Somewhere along the way, chasing became mistaken for desire—the thing you needed to do if you wanted to secure love . . . that most sought after partner. But let’s be clear: chasing is not the same as attracting. Chasing is often rooted in fear—fear of not being chosen, of being alone, of missing the “last good one.” It speaks to proving one’s virtues and qualifications. It focuses on what's out there, not one's true inner gifts.

 

You don’t need to sell your desirability, to prove your importance or qualify your reason for being—you only need to be. That’s all. You are enough. The one for you will recognize that. The one meant for you will desire that, be driven toward it with a force so unmistakable so as not to cease in its pursuit.

 

Let love pursue you—not the other way around. You’ll see the difference. You’ll feel the difference, when you allow for love rather than chase love.

 

It’s all about alignment and divine timing.

 

When I say divine timing, I don’t mean waiting until circumstances are right, or until you lose that last ten pounds, or get your abs tight, get a better career, whatever it is you might estimate is not up to par. Divine timing is not code for ‘someday when I’m finally enough.’ It’s when you stop editing your worth like it’s a draft in need of approval.

 

By divine timing, I mean the moment when you open inside, when you allow for that kind of love to enter your world.

 

That’s all.

 

How to Attract Your Soulmate: The Modern Courtship Crisis (and Its Very Loud Cousin, Chasing)

 

The days of old were not all grace and glory, but they did afford a certain divine timing—a pace that allowed the heart to catch up to the desires of the flesh, by way of social observances and the art of proper deportment. My, how times have changed. Here are a couple of quotes from the 1895 book—Our Social Customs: A Practical Guide to Deportment, Easy Manners, and Social Etiquette:

 

THE DOMINEERING LOVER

“The lover who assumes a domineering attitude over his future wife invites her to escape from his tyranny while yet she may, and if she be wise she will escape, for the chances are that he will be worse as a husband than as a lover.”

 

THE LOW-NECKED DRESS.

“The low-necked dress is a fatal lure to many a woman who ought to know better than to display her physical imperfections to the gaze of a pitiless world. Either a fat old woman or a scrawny young one should be wise enough to court the favoring and softening influences of high necks and any other devices for lessening the obviousness of their defects of form.”

 

Though not all advice was sound, nestled amid lessons on dress, behavior, and which side of the carriage one ought to occupy, there were some niceties in regard to offering one’s respect to others, both toward the gentleman and to the lady.

 

Not all that long ago—but a century or so—courtship was a thing of elegance, intention, and a touch of mystery. There were dance cards and glances across rooms, calling cards and long walks through treelined streets. One did not pursue, one invited. And one did not chase, one allowed.

 

What was once a gentle unfolding is now frequently a frantic reach for even a morsel of attention.

 

 

Chasing is Not Courtship

Chasing, at its most recognizable, is noisy. It's over-explaining your worth, bending your boundaries to appear more “available,” or continually checking and comparing yourself, wondering if you might finally be noticed. Your manner of being becomes laced with acceptable appearances, worry, and a feeling that love must be earned like a prize, rather than received as a natural out-picturing of your inner state.

 

Allowing, by contrast, is quiet. It speaks in whispers. It is neither passive nor indifferent. It’s grounded. Receptive. Magnetic. It’s knowing who you are—and knowing that what is truly aligned with you will arrive not because you’ve chased it down, but because you’ve become someone who naturally welcomes it in. It’s not about “proving” yourself worthy of love. It’s about being love itself, and letting the rest organize around that.

 

Allowing, travels in ease. It is deliciously self-assured. It knows who it is and what it wants—and it trusts the universe to deliver it, without begging, contorting, or performing.

 

In Law of Attraction terms, chasing says: “I don’t have it yet—so I must work.”

 

Allowing says: “It’s already mine—I’m just tuning to the frequency.”

 

The crisis is not that people aren’t looking for connection. It’s that they’ve forgotten how powerful it is to be fully connected inside. In courtship, your most magnetic state is not about performing as one who exudes magnetism; it’s simply about being—and loving who you are being.

 

And if you're wondering whether you're chasing or allowing—your body usually knows. That tight feeling in your chest? That impulse to prove? Those are signs. So, if you’ve found yourself extending beyond what feels fully self-honoring to someone who barely replies, or if you’re endlessly analyzing what to say to win someone over . . . it may be time to step back—to give yourself that which you most need.

 

Here I refer to the art of inner courtship. Yes, if you dream of exploring that with another, you first must be willing to venture there yourself. They say we all attract the love we feel we deserve. So, what do you say about leveling that up? What do you say about creating the love you desire from the inside out?

 

Where chasing seeks to fill a lack, allowing rests in wholeness.

 

The paradox? You become irresistible when you’re no longer trying to be.

 

Attraction, real and magnetic, emerges not from effort but from essence. It’s what happens when you settle into who you are, and in doing so, become unmistakably visible to the one who is looking for exactly that. In this stillness, in this non-doing, lies immense power.

 

This is how to attract your soulmate. Rest easy, my friend and know that your attraction is in who you are being, naturally, effortlessly, and authentically. It rests in knowing, in fully loving yourself.

 

The Art of Attracting the One: Courtship, Clarity, and the Right of Refusal

 

—Our Social Customs: A Practical Guide to Deportment, Easy Manners, and Social Etiquette—1895

 

THE REJECTED SUITOR

 

“When a man has proffered his hand in marriage and it has been refused, his duty is quite clear. Etiquette demands that he shall accept the lady's decision as final and retire from the field. He has no right to demand the reason of her refusal. Should she give it, he is bound in honor to respect her secret, if it be a secret, and hold it inviolable. To persist in urging his suit or to follow up the lady with marked attentions would be in the worst possible taste. His only proper course is to withdraw as much as possible from the circle which she adorns, thus sparing her all embarrassment and himself a great deal of unnecessary anguish.”

 

The Right of Refusal

(When You’re No Longer Auditioning for Love)

 

You’re not interested. And no, you don’t owe an explanation—a justified reason. Love begins not with the pursuit of someone else, but with the sacred refusal to betray oneself. It’s in saying “no thank you” to what doesn’t align and making space for what gloriously does. Refusal isn’t rejection—it’s refinement. It’s not coldness, but clarity.

 

Saying no is an art, a setting of boundaries, a steadfast adherence to self-worth—the vision for what one truly desires. It’s not a vague sort of no meant to carefully remove oneself from discomfort. But the clear, calm, sovereign no—the kind that says, “I’d rather be alone than mistreated. I’d rather wait than settle. I’d rather choose myself than be chosen out of convenience.”

 

Let us pause to honour this moment of clarity. Let us place it in a frame, give it sepia tone, and caption it with wit. Behold: The man who cannot fathom being refused. The same who, moments earlier, was certain he was a gift to womankind.

 

Ah yes—the three stages of entitled rejection. A timeless dance.

 

As a final note on how to attract your soulmate, let us speak of play—and power. The power to say no. The freedom to wait for what aligns. The wisdom to recognize that love is not earned through compromise of the soul, but revealed through clarity and resonance.

 

Let us begin with play.

 

You may try on many shoes. Explore what fits and what pinches. Courtship, after all, is not merely a path to partnership—it is a mirror and a playground. Every interaction offers a reflection: of what you desire, of what you no longer need, and of what you’ve grown beyond.

 

Meet someone with a mix of traits? Delight in the discovery. Note what you enjoy, and let the rest drift by like background noise. Focus your attention on what feels expansive. What lights you up. Make a quiet list, if you like—of what feels good in the body, what soothes the spirit, what sparks the mind.

 

Don’t judge. Don’t attach. Simply observe.

 

And remember this:
As within, so without.

The world around you reflects your internal state. What you think, feel, and expect becomes the clay from which your external experiences are shaped.

 

“The world is a mirror, forever reflecting what you are doing, within yourself.”

 

—Neville Goddard

 

So, strengthen the mirror. Build your clarity.

 

Learn the art of refusal—not as rejection of others, but as an affirmation of your inner knowing. That quiet, unwavering voice that says, “This is not quite it” or “Something feels off.” Honor that voice. It is not cynicism or fear. It is discernment. It is your compass.

 

When love arrives bearing promise, yes, there will be room for compromise—but not of the self. Not of your dignity. Not of your deepest truth.

 

Know the difference between fear of love and the clear sense that this is not aligned.

 

Be still. Be honest. You’ll know.

 

With time and practice, you will come to know when intuition is speaking or simply fear in costume.

 

As you grow, you get to see how your internal changes are mirrored in the world without. “As within, so without.” It means that whatever appears in your world is simply a reflection of your inner place, of your internal state, your thoughts, your feelings.

 

“’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

—Alfred, Lord Tennyson

 

 

Now, let’s move onto how to attract your soulmate through conscious attraction.

 

The Art of Conscious Attraction